My Fitness & Health Journey: From Chronic Pain To A Strong Body

How the fear of dying finally transformed my fitness and health in my forties.

This is the story of how I was able to finally make life transforming health changes after a decade of poor choices and I want to let you know that if I can do it, then you definitely can as well.

I was the queen of procrastination and everything just looked too hard to overcome. But, I am here to tell you it wasn’t too hard and I did overcome it. I was wrong (ouch that hurts to admit and please don’t tell my husband that those words came out of my mouth ha ha). Here is my fitness journey and all that it entailed.

The Root of my Worries…

I am a 44 year old mother of 6; two of my children being under the age of 5…so my mortality is on my mind more than I care to admit. I logically understand that 44 years old is young, but I want to be alive, healthy and vibrant decades from now with my children and their children.

With all of the health issues in our world caused by the way we have changed our eating and lifestyle choices, people are dying at much younger ages from preventable diseases. I have a family history list that scares me and I am fast approaching the decade that many in my extended family have lost their battles against such preventable diseases as Heart & Stroke Disease and from Diabetic complications. So now was the time for me to make the drastic changes required!

I was 45 lbs over the weight I felt was healthy for me, I had chronic pain all over my body, I suffered from stomach issues, mood swings, irrational fears of dying before my kids are my current age and I had no motivation to start living the life that I spent so much time planning and dreaming about.

It was time for me to wake up, snap out of it and get to work building the life I wanted and deserved to live. Dying prematurely was not going be my fate. I would not leave my family behind before the very last minute I have on this earth. I wanted to live to be a centurion!!!!

The Problem and Slow Progression

The changing point was when I realized the problem was becoming a permanent resident in my life. In my mid-thirties I started to gain weight (let’s blame it on the comforts of marriage and having a baby ha ha).

My average weight for the majority of my adult life up until this point was about 135 lbs. My weight then went up to 180 lbs in the period of about 3-4 years. Once I was aware that this was a problem that I had neglected I stopped myself and started to eat healthier by counting calories and being mindful of my nutrition. At this point I went down to about 160 lbs, then the cycle started and I gained weight again, then ate right for a few weeks and lost a few pounds, then stopped my healthier habits and gained it back, repeat twice a year for about a 4 year period until finally I gained the most I have ever been 184.5 lbs.

Here is a reality check…I wanted to type 185 lbs because you round up right? But I felt a sense of I am still ok I if am only 184.5 lbs, what a huge gap…how crazy do I sound. That .5 is no real difference in the logical world that I sometimes step out of.

How I felt was reflected by how I looked on the outside. Overweight, unkempt (unless yoga pants and a tank top are considered Haute Couture), I felt frumpy and ashamed of what I let happen to myself. During this period of time is when I added the last two additions to our family and that made an already downward slope of my health really drop. Until I finally made some permanent changes in my lifestyle I felt mentally, physically and emotionally out of shape and drained all the time.

So what were the apparent excuses that lead to my weight gain and lack of personal care? A huge factor was I became a full-time stay at home mom for over a decade resulting in becoming much more sedentary. I also had the responsibility of making healthy food choices for myself and my family while preparing meals even when I was exhausted from taking care of the house and kids all day, this lead to a lot of convenient meals that were not always the healthiest choices.

I had to battle the t.v. watching binge eating  snack nights that became a fun family routine when the kids were younger (thank you Netflix). I didn’t work out or attempt to increase my fitness levels at all due to the excuse of not having enough time or energy (which I now know was really the opposite of what I should have been doing).

The real reason for my health crisis, not the excuses I just offered up, was that I had a lack of love for who I was and was becoming. I stopped trying and caring. It was easier to sit and wallow then it was to make real drastic changes. It was going to be hard and I was scared of failing, I wasn’t up for the battle. Not yet anyways.

I had finally hit rock bottom with my health. My kids would make comments about my fat belly, in fairness I looked 6 months pregnant from bloating and overeating. Having thin arms and legs didn’t help balance my body proportions at all (picture Humpty Dumpty’s body type, no offence to Humpty).

My clothes didn’t fit or look nice if they did, so I stuck to my daily uniform of yoga pants. I was out of breath most of the time when active and I feared I would have a heart attack if I elevated my heart rate or even from the steam of the shower making me feel light headed. I became scared. I knew if didn’t make changes and do real work nothing would change just like it hadn’t in the last 10 years. It was up to me.  Only I could do this for myself and I knew I deserved better.

Solutions to the problem

“Change your mind and your body will follow.”

After years of trying and failing to improve my health and fitness I had created a pretty negative mind-set. My mental clarity was blurred, irrational reactions to small issues, emotions all over the place and harsh judgements on myself. I was mentally attacking myself for the way I was treating myself. It had to change there first. I had to tackle the mental before the physical would ever be possible.

So that is what I did. I read a lot of personal development books on habits, goals, success and creating a positive mind-set. I uncovered my true self and real aspirations for my life by utilizing assessments that uncovered my personality, my values, priorities and the purpose I had for my life. I read the Bible and learned about God, human kind and how I could improve my life with the principles in it.

I no longer was interested in just getting by in life, but really living to the fullest potential that I was blessed with. I should have been so grateful for everything I had been given, but I had just been squandering it with poor health.

Poor health and lack of fitness had been the road block holding me back in all the areas of my life. I had polluted my temple and it was time for a cleanse from my mind through to my body and soul. I finally understood why I wanted to change, how to do it and how great life would be once I did. The lens had been lifted off of my gloomy dark glasses.

Introducing the workout and dietary changes

Feel my muscles!!! My fitness routine.

Working out had always been the greatest struggle for me in the past. Eating better was always a little easier to do because I could make the meals enjoyable, but there was not much enjoyment to be had in my workouts (let’s be real… ha ha).

This is where the shift in mind-set came in. I had to reframe my mind as to why I was really working out. It wasn’t for the scale to say 140 lbs, it was to feel strong, energetic and be as healthy as I could possibly be. So I would think about my workouts as how great they were going to make me feel, how strong I would become and the health benefits I was giving to my body that had carried me for 44 years and never let me down. I needed to reciprocate all my body had provided to me.

I started my fitness journey with 30 minute home workouts through Beachbody on Demand (the 21 Day Fix Real Time program to be exact).  I literally had to take it one day at a time. The first step was surviving my first 30 minutes of something I thought I couldn’t do. I did it, modified through most of the workout, but I did it! Then I survived a week of it, then two, then a month and then I realized it was a habit and a transformation had taken place. My confidence had been sky rocketed and I was achieving a goal that had eluded me for my entire life.

The physical body transformation wasn’t apparent for about 2 weeks after I started, but the mental transformation was after workout one was finished. The mental growth was an indicator that the physical was going to arrive this time around. I was mentally stronger and committed to my health. I was clearing up my thoughts of negativity that would hold me back. I was also open to progress over perfection, which was the key.

In the first 21 days it took me 23 days to complete. Two days off when out of the house all day and the other I was not feeling well at all. But I got back up both times and pushed on. I didn’t quit because I missed those days. I also gave myself some grace when it came to my diet. It wasn’t strict. It was forgiving but I was still being mindful. Could my progress with weight loss or my physical appearance transformed quicker? Maybe, but would I have quit on those days I felt a slight struggle with the diet or workout? Probably.

I am taking baby steps to ensure long term success. I have started to physically feel great and I am allowing that momentum to be my motivation. Since week one I have been asking everyone in my family to feel my muscles on a daily basis ha ha! Whatever works, keep it up. Right?

Trust me it tastes better than it smells!!! Nutrition Guidelines

As I mentioned earlier I was pretty good for knowing what to eat and how to stay within a calorie deficit ( the MyFitnessPal app was great). I would stay on track for a few weeks then fall off the wagon. I love food, even the healthy ones. So that was one battle I didn’t need to fight, but the war on convenience has been tough and there have been a lot of casualties (i.e. my waistline).

I struggle with not feeling like cooking dinner at the end of the day and it doesn’t help that three of my kids hate something on the plate every night. Convenience seemed to win over home cooked more than I would like. I don’t buy a lot of prepared frozen convenience meals, so I tend to go for a drive and pick something up.

In addition to not wanting to cook my planned dinner at the end of the day I am also highly susceptible to takeout when my mood shifts in anyway or for any special occasion. If I am feeling happy for any reason it is time to celebrate… let’s get pizza, feeling sad and down…let’s get pizza, someone’s birthday… let’s get pizza, its Friday… let’s get pizza, its Monday…let’s get pizza…do you see the pattern here?  Ha! Ha! The first step in battling a problem is admitting it right?

To beat this obstacle I had to create routines and systems. I knew that having a busy family and not feeling like cooking by dinner time was pretty much my only obstacle. When I am feeding only myself breakfast, lunch and snacks during the day I am great. When I am tired and not sure what to feed a house of picky eaters who all like different meals, I lose steam and go for a drive to pick something up…pizza, chicken or burgers.

To be transparent I am probably on an 80/20 diet most of the time, which I believe is a good balance for me (by no means do I suggest that for you. Do what works best for your own journey). When I do eat the bad stuff I try real hard to be mindful of the quantity and eat less than I normally would. I also really try to keep in mind how I may end up feeling afterwards and weigh if it is worth the treat or not. I have learned it is best for me to have no options…have a meal plan in place…otherwise pizza would win every day unless there was a buffet of sour jujubes.

During my process I have learned to buy healthy snacks to always have on hand (my favourite that taste just like an Eatmore chocolate bar are The GFB Peanut Butter and Dark Chocolate Gluten Free Protein Balls), and to prep as much as I can in one day when I have more time (weekend) or I start dinner in the morning when I have more energy during the week (crockpot). I still allot a takeout night on the weekend as a treat. I will not deprive myself and risk binging and then feeling defeated.

In addition to not partaking in regular takeout I also wanted to add more super foods to my diet. I read Eat to Beat Disease, which is a fantastic resource and I learned all about super foods. I made some small adjustments to my diet to incorporate more of these foods and I feel so much better. I can feel that my gut health has made a major shift, which also plays a huge factor in my stomach measurements reducing so much. I have way less bloating and abdominal pain now, which makes life so much more enjoyable and allows me to do things like working out that I held back from before.

I suggest reading the book for the list of 200 foods to incorporate in your diet. The ones I have added so far are nuts, fish, green veggies and fruit smoothies loaded with berries and greens. I have learned a lot about nutrition and it has really benefited me. I know what fuels my body, what my body negatively reacts to and what will leave me in pain and living in regret the next day.

An additional way that I have improved my struggling gut health was that I introduced fermented foods. Disclaimer they can smell very foul to most people, and the process of making it yourself can also be a gross factor, but I am beyond that. I love it. Bring on that sour smelling kombucha and sauerkraut. I actually have learned the skill of fermenting my own food because it can be pricy to buy at the store and I love knowing where my food is coming from and what is in it…unless its pizza, go figure. Fermented food is a category of food that you either love or completely hate. If you hate it, maybe go look for probiotics and prebiotics in another form.

I mentioned my family history of preventable disease; well Celiac and Diabetes are two very big players when it came to my diet. I have put a lot of focus on reducing sugar, gluten and processed foods (my three favourite food group’s lol) and with the help of my workouts my belly bloat had reduced by over 4 inches in two months. Now this is an area of real struggle for me. I have had a lifelong love affair with candy/sugar and carbs…chewy pasta, pizza dough and bread….mmm, ok now I am sabotaging myself ha ha. I am a work in progress but I am aware of the challenges here and can be more mindful in this area of my diet and eating habits.

I have also started growing my own sprouts for a dense nutrition boost and I grow my own summer garden for the intake of organic and home grown veggies, which my kids actually love to eat. It is a big win.

When challenges rear their filthy heads

I am now at peace with myself and my fitness and health levels. I feel the transformation and know big changes have happened. The scale is not dropping as quickly as I thought, but that is not derailing me because I feel strong, experience less pain in my body, feel more youthful and am noticeably slimmer and tighter. I would chose all of that over a number that is on a scale, a number that has held me back all my life and made me feel less than because it was too high. I will judge my success by what my body tells me not the scale.

I am building a strong foundation. I am feeding my soul and body the health and wellness it deserves with all the knowledge I have gained on how to live a healthier lifestyle. I am excited by the prospects of being in peak condition to keep up with my family, my big goals and life dreams. I will no longer feel I lack…  I have grown, I have changed and I am living a transformation.

Future goals for this body of mine

I have reached a fitness and health level that I have never experienced in my life. I have a ways to go to reach my goals, but I have come leaps and bounds from where I was stuck. My fitness goals have changed from completing workouts to try and lose 40 lbs, to being in such great shape that I could compete in a CrossFit competition and not die on the mat in the first 2 minutes. I want sculpted arms, a flat stomach that isn’t bloated out in pain and I want to be able to run all day and not burn out prematurely.

I want to be a 70 year old body builder. I want to be alive and feel alive. I want to inspire others who are where I was at the start of this journey to know that it is possible, and it won’t kill them to try. It gets easier with daily consistency and your revived mood will give you momentum.

What you expect to lose and what you surprisingly gain

So to wrap up this super long story of my journey to health and fitness (sorry about that) I wanted to just say a few things about how we feel entering our 40s when looking back at our old glory fitness/health days. Just for some perspective.

I am sure most of us at one point in time have uttered the words…I lost who I used to be…they are the  famous words of so many women that reach a certain age, have children, get married, lose their profession to stay home, who gain weight and feel like they have lost their identity. Well this is how you will find it. Read, learn, grow, challenge yourself and commit to achieving your goals…all of them. You will grow to be an even better version of who you were. You will start to find moments where the life and spirit of the old girl will peak her head in and you get a glimpse.

Acknowledge that you have grown so much and you no longer need to cling to her. You know yourself now, what you are accomplishing now and the struggle you went through for this success. The old girl didn’t do that for you, the person you have become did that for you. 

One day you will just get it. It will click. You will continue on your journey, you will have success and you will no longer battle yourself and fail. You have reasons for this transformation. You have put all your chips down and you are all in and you are winning. It is never too late to try, or to pull up your socks and try again. You just do it. Stop battling the process because that is when success will appear. Enjoy every step of the journey and it will become your way of life.

Thanks for taking the time to listen to my journey and I hope it can help or inspire you to make some of the same changes in our life.